Off on F1 Presents its latest scoop - not only do we have exclusive access to the inner most thoughts of Red Bull's pre-eminent F1 designer, Adrian Newey, but now we have a blog from Caterham's surprise new signing, the irrepressible Vitaly Petrov
Hello, peoples of F1. You will have listen the news that I, Vitaly Aleksander Sergei Petrov have becoming grand prix driver again. I am apologise to my fans for keeping in darkness so long.
Now all signatures of big Russian sponsors have been collect it is time to go racing!
I have gratefulness to give to many peoples for help me make this opportunity again, but biggest shake of hand and kiss of cheek goes to my friend, my trust advisor, my largest fan - apart from my mother but he understand this - my motivate, the very greatness,Vladimir.
After news becomes news he send me text from important meeting. "Time for Vyborg Rocket to blast off again. Don't **** up or you go off to gulag! Love Vladimir."
But he write this in Russian.
He was not happy when I am sacking from Renault team. He is proud man. He say to me one time - with fatherlyness arm round shoulder - "Vitaly you make me proud man. USA - they have no F1 driver. China - they have no F1 driver. Russia - we have F1 driver."
But he say this in Russian.
So when news arrive to his doorstep of Vitaly Aleksander Sergei Petrov taking exit at Renault he is not pleasing. (Black also his favourite colour.) He take it as mission to putting me back on F1 grid.
He is man who making things work with very few words. With careful whispering to ears of big Russian holly parks, I finally get enormous rouble sponsorship.
My friend Aleksander Orlov from Meerkova say to me: "Hmmm, Jarno move aside very easily, Vitaly...?"
I say to him back with knowingness: "Yes."
Aleksander very sad because I no longer have time to appear in new Compare the Meerkat advertising-a-bob. He already have great idea thinking up for me. I drive through village of Meerkova at crazy F1 speed scaring the young meerkats into trees and bushes. Then he is saying very seriously:
"If you driving like Vitaly - you really do need top class insurance. But don't compare the meerkat, compare the market.com."
And then we are both saying together into camera. "Simples." But this is not happen now. Perhaps they get Adrian Sutil instead.
I am now look forward to big season of excitingness with Heikki, Tony and Mike and all at new Cateringham team. Already I feel the home in Norfolk. Here they have flat boring fields reminding me so much of my flat Russian Steppes. After just fitting to my seat, it is home to me. I give Mike the big kiss of cheek and telling to him that I will perform greatly and to beyond my maximum ability.
I am totally not sure if they still having gulags, but is better not to find out.
Stay crazy.
Vitaly
