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Saturday 23rd February 2008

Alonso Talks Tough
Formula 1's greatest malcontent, Fernando Alonso, has finally spoken out about the racist insults that disrupted testing in Barcelona. Some fans at the Circuit de Catalunya hurled insults and obscenities at the McLaren garage while another group blacked up their faces and wore curly wigs and paraded about as the 'Hamilton family'. This followed in the wake of racist abuse by Spanish fans against Lewis at last year's Chinese GP.

Fernando strongly denied that Spanish F1 fans were just a bunch of ill-educated, racist bigots who support him no matter what... actually, some of them liked Marc Gene and Pedro de la Rosa.

I Have Seen The Future Of F1...
Jenson Button says that despite a slow start in 2008 with both cars finishing near the bottom during tests that the team is making progress. Newly installed team boss Ross Brawn has told reporters that Honda won't win a GP in 2008.

The great visionary of F1 (the seer of truths) has also come up with some more astounding predictions: Monaco will see little overtaking during the race, Sepang will be very hot, Kimi Raikkonen is unlikely to use an English word that has more than two syllables and Fernando Alonso will get upset if someone sits in his chair.

Tapping Progress On The Shoulder And Saying 'More Forwards Please'
Super Aguri are in talks with Honda this weekend about continued funding to keep the team in business. A Honda spokesman said that they didn't want to drain resources from the main Formula 1 team, but on the other hand it was good to have someone on the grid they could beat.

Oil's Well At Ferrari
"We are exactly where we want to be right now" said an exultant Felipe Massa after Ferrari wrapped up the team's Barcelona test with Luca Badoer in the second car. Massa was commenting after Ferrari showed yet again they are the class of the field putting in their fastest times on long runs as opposed to the short, five-lap stints run by other teams.

"I am in the car that completes 93 laps with no problems, and Kimi's car is the one with the oil leak."

Now Drivers Can "Do A Ralf"
Ralf Schumacher has told Autosport that he always intended to leave F1 at the end of 2007 despite saying that he had sorted a drive out for 2008.

"I only said that so that I would be left in peace to finish my career," claimed. Schumacher. When asked why he had bothered to test the Force India car - producing the slowest time - Ralf claimed that it was merely a favour for the owner Vijay Mallya.

"I did test over the winter, but that was just something for a friend. I did not really look at it as an option for this year."

Other people doing favours for Mr.Mallya were Roldan Rodriguez, Christian Klien, Tonio Liuzzi and Giancarlo Fisichella who was totally surprised to be offered the drive for 2008.

"I was only doing it as a favour for an old friend and I got offered the drive" said an astonished Fisi.

In future, embarrassing F1 shoot-outs where an established F1 driver fails to beat the young guns will be known as "doing a Ralf" or alternatively "doing a favour for an old friend".

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